Be Glad I Love You (Go to Bed)

I have a theory, dear, so let me put it past I have to check it's valid, though I know you didn't ask You don't like to kiss me No, you don't like to kiss 'Cause my beard is way too itchy and it scratches up your lips But I can't shave it off, I'm too self-conscious of the fact I have a scar above my lip that my beard and mustache mask And I have a scar above my lip 'cause I once smashed up on a curb Flew over both my handlebars and straight into the dirt And I didn't have a helmet on 'cause that was way back when I was too damn cool for safety rules or simple common sense So if I now remember right by the transitive rule Darling, you don't like to kiss me 'Cause I'm too damn cool With tired eyes, she stared at me "It's 3 a.m.," she said "Bug, be glad I love you, you're a goober, go to bed" You love my quirks, my quirks The dopey way I flirt You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves You love my quirks, my quirks I'm certain you deserve A handsome hunk, but now you're stuck with this annoying nerd You put up with more than most would mind The time it takes to rise and shine I'm hittin' snooze at 6:05, 6:15, and six more times You don't mind the way I weigh my food My morning routine which includes Scrambling to find my keys 'cause I can't leave them out in view Even though you bought that bowl Put it right beside the door And all I have to do is set them there as soon as I get home Instead I'm flippin' up the couch and Oh, hey, there they are, I found 'em Have a great day and oh, have you seen my wallet? You love my quirks, my quirks The dopey way I flirt You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves You love my quirks, my quirks I'm certain you deserve A macho man, but all I am's a silly introvert And I keep you up past midnight Crazy thoughts inside my head Bug, be glad I love you, you're a goober, go to bed And she holds to my t-shirt when I take off my sweatshirt To make sure it stays down Now that's what I call teamwork I keep us on time, she makes all our friends And makes sure that my fly is zipped up on my pants If Snapchat is to flirt, and Tinder to find love We're back here snappin' polaroids just to shake things up You love my quirks, my quirks The dopey way I flirt You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves You love my quirks, my quirks I'm certain you deserve A sexy stud instead of what you've chosen 'cause I'm sure that All the girls, the girls, who hear this song and smirk And feel pity 'cause I sound like I'm more trouble than I'm worth Are probably right