I was busy groping on my floor, some git comes knocking on my door

There's a pack of bastards queuing up outside

No, I don't think that God's amazing. No, I don't want no double glazing

I'm just trying to get between this woman's thighs

'Do you want some life assurance?' 'Do you want some car insurance?'

Fuck off, twat, I'm trying to have a poke

'God's sent me on this mission' 'Sign the animal cruelty petition,'

I think beagles should be forced to smoke

I believe in animal testing, (yip!) that's a dog

I don't want cladding or insulation in me fucking loft

Don't want to help the poor at Christmas, I'm too busy in this bird's knickers

I got my airgun out for the Hari Krishnas

Some old biddy's saving dogs, so I pushed a flame thrower through the letter box

Fuck off granny, or you'll get what the mormons got. I fried that bastard to a cinder

Poured piss on the vicar out of the bedroom window

The Animal Rights got their leaflets up their arse

I believe in animal testing (meeow!) that's a cat

I don't want to buy any carpet cleaner, yes, I know the dog's just shat

I'm quite happy with these stains, I wired the doorbell to the mains

Now Macc's got no MP, isn't that a shame?

Got back to sorting this girl out, 'What was it you came round about?'

She's collecting for the church's gerbil fund

Now that seems like a worthy cause, so she got down on all fours

'I'd like to make a contribution to your cunt.'

I believe in animal testing (ooh!) that's a bird

If the panda's dying out, I couldn't give a turd

Don't want to know about politics, I'd rather scrape the cheddar off my dick

And save the smelly bits for Jehovah's Witnesses