Holy Flaming Hammer of Unholy Cosmic Frost

Welcome mighty heroes

Into this ancient land

A kingdom steeped in legendary splendour

From the mighty highlands

To the shores of Auchtertool

A shining realm of unicorn defenders

And in the ancient castle

Atop his golden throne

The king of Fife rules over

His great ancestral home

By the holy flaming hammer of unholy cosmic frost

We will voyage 'cross the kingdom to reclaim what once was lost

In this realm of ancient battles where the king of Fife now reigns

I will wield the holy hammer of flame

Unholy cosmic frost!

In the merchant's district

The dwarves of Aberdeen

Are forging artefacts of mighty power

Meanwhile in the college

Where wizards learn their spells

A fireball is blasting from a tower

Behold the knights of Crail

Atop the city walls

They swore a mighty oath to say

Dundee will never fall!

By the holy flaming hammer of unholy cosmic frost

We will voyage 'cross the kingdom to reclaim what once was lost

In this realm of ancient battles where the king of Fife now reigns

I will wield the holy hammer of flame

Unholy cosmic frost!

Across the infinite void of time and space

From a twisted dimension of shattered reality

The dying screams of a malevolent sorcerer materialized

And terrible were the words they spoke

Sanctus!

Dominus!

Initiating interdimensional subspace relay

Incoming transmission

Activate Zargothrax Clone Alpha One

(Geminus!)

(Thaumaturgist rise!)

Upgrading nuclear subroutines

Powering up anti-telharsic nanobots

Assignment: Destroy Dundee! (Duplexus! Maleficus!)

(Chaos lord reborn!)

By the holy flaming hammer of unholy cosmic frost

We will voyage 'cross the kingdom to reclaim what once was lost

By the holy flaming hammer of unholy cosmic frost

We will voyage 'cross the kingdom to reclaim what once was lost

In this realm of ancient battles where the king of Fife now reigns

I will wield the holy hammer of flame

Unholy cosmic frost!

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six

Five, four, three, two, one