Break Down

Hey, livin' like a mess, tryna numb my pain Battlin' the demons in my mind all day Either I'm fucked up or I'm insane Pop a pill, have a drink, don't break down Hey, livin' like a mess, tryna numb my pain Battlin' the demons in my mind all day Either I'm fucked up or I'm insane Pop a pill, have a drink, don't break down Let's flash back to a moment in time When I was just a troubled youth tryna cope with his mind With psychedelics, cocaine and some smokin aside When I was broke and overdosed and was hopin' to die Yeah, I guess the damaged of feelin' fuckin' abandoned Left me torn so I was slammin' like every drug I was handed I managed 'til I ran out then ravaged through my dad's house Gather all my shit so I could sell it for a bag now I couldn't tell that I was losin' myself And that the drugs only added to confusion I felt And when the homies hit me up I was refusing to help 'Cause I was busy tryna make a fuckin' noose with a belt But I was lonely and sick of feelin' depressed I was runnin' out of options and ways to cope with the stress I thought I'd feel bliss when the reaper came to collect 'Cause I'm done with the pain I'd rather hang to my death and say Hey, livin' like a mess, tryna numb my pain Battlin' the demons in my mind all day Either I'm fucked up or I'm insane Pop a pill, have a drink, don't break down Hey, livin' like a mess, tryna numb my pain Battlin' the demons in my mind all day Either I'm fucked up or I'm insane Pop a pill, have a drink, don't break down I never thought that my life would end when I'm seventeen Now I'm writing notes to my family I thought I'd never leave But all this pain I've been feeling, it's time to set it free Time to turn this torturous life of mine to a severed dream I waited 'til it was late and family was sleepin' Was thinkin' 'bout death I wasn't thinkin' 'bout 'em grievin' I thought that when they read the note they'd understand my reasons So I crept downstairs, time to finally conquer my demons I grabbed the booze plus a bottle of pills Ran 'em back up to my room feelin' hollow with chills Wasn't nervous, I was ready, I was confident still Put a dozen in my palm and started poppin' to kill Yeah, I'm finally doing it, time to call in the eulogist I got what I deserved, I took my life and I ruined it Thirty minutes later my feelin's started to fade Went from fallin' out of love to fallin' into my grave I'm gettin' woozy and passin' out in my bed I was fadin' in and out, a few moments away from death But somethin' in my stomach was travelin' up my chest I just fell to the floor and started puking up red And now the medicine is coverin' my hands They were drenched in it This is not the way that it was planned I crawled to my bed, I was barely able to stand This is not what I intended, I got myself in a jam I fucked up, I was broken and weak I never wanted to die, I wanted a moment of peace Felt my heart skip a beat when I woke from my sleep The next day and saw the suicide note at my feet And thought Hey, livin' like a mess, tryna numb my pain Battlin' the demons in my mind all day Either I'm fucked up or I'm insane Pop a pill, have a drink, don't break down Hey, livin' like a mess, tryna numb my pain Battlin' the demons in my mind all day Either I'm fucked up or I'm insane Pop a pill, have a drink, don't break down