The Juggler

There's just so much to do you know I don't know where to start and I don't know where it ends You know just more work, more things, more responsibility It's taxing man, it's taxing A never-ending cycle and I just hold it in I don't, I don't have a way of, of getting it out I'm tryna find the balance in a tilted world On the road to peace my mind takes a different turn Anxiety's a parasite, so I don't sleep enough So much on my plate but I never eat enough Phone ringing, friends calling Work audits, debt callers, mental blockage Back aching, socials popping More plaudits, more dollars, but more problems My to-do list is so infinite Always new problems so I never get to finish shit And I feel weak if I confess what I'm dealing with Cause I'm the one they depend on to bring to digits in Every night I'm fidgeting Mind like a fidget spinner, losing grip on diligence Told her I can't love her cause I don't know what commitment is Missing out on family time to sharpen up my penmanship All the sacrifices bringing darkness to my temperament I don't know when I'll get a break My responsibilities are growing everyday Sometimes I wonder how I'll make it to the dream state Sometimes I wish I could revert to my teen ways Sometimes I wonder what my Mom would think of me today She ain't here to steer me right, when I deviate I'm running faster when I need to remediate But when I stop to take a break, I feel me dreams delayed, damn I mean you dream of dreams coming true And then they come to you and then you're like this is a lot You know. It feels weird. It feels awkward It feels guilty. Like why do I feel that way? This is what you always wanted, right? And like, this is what you wanted And now you're stressed Constantly overwhelmed, that's the price that I've paid Tryna be legendary and put myself with the greats I could be in the circus way I be spending my days The master juggler tryna do it all 'til he breaks Gotta grandpa in Nigeria that needs medications Gotta make sure that he's straight or my guilt can't take it Anytime the pressure builds I just seek fornication When I comes to overthinking I don't know moderation I be questioning my talent so I need validation I be out of the loop with these social engagements I be needing updates like an old application Gotta enough on my plate so I'm rather evasive I don't know if love will find me and it has me impatient I don't know if I'm worthy of the audiences praises I don't know what I'm doing but I'm tryna do it all My thirst for respite is ignored I'm tryna find the silver lining in the shallow ground But digging deeper is the only way that gold is found The truest thoughts are the ones I never say aloud My soul is never free so my mind is running wild It's only getting harder as I climb The more I travel up, the more there's nobody around If I cry now at least they won't hear a sound I feel addicted I feed addicted to the feeling of thinking And thinking about the same thing over and over again And I, and I know that shit won't help me I know it's pointless But Im caught up in the loop that's all I mind really knows And I'm tryna get away from it I need to give myself some grace There's only so much one man can do everyday I pray to God to extend the distance of my race But if he says my time is up then I accept my fate So many blessings in my life that I ain't soaking in Cause having more to do is where I'm always focusing I got some people that will help me if I rope 'em in I need to discard my grudges 'stead of holding them I need to give myself some grace If not anxiety will never be replaced Thinking constantly 'bout everything I can't control There ain't use for it, so why you scared to let it go Im tryna breathe, but the air keeps getting thin on me Im tryna walk then the world starts to spin on me I run from evil but the devil keeping tabs on me My saving is grace is that God has a plan for me, he does I just, I just find it hard to ask for help sometimes, I don't know I feel the burden so I guess I think that asking somebody for help Will make me a burden to them and I I guess I don't wanna repeat the cycle You know. But I need help I need it I need it And that's, that's what I I just gotta accept that I need help Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Mr Gana, Mr. Gana Yes, Yes Your flight boards in five minutes Thank you. Sorry about that I just had a lot on my mind I understand. Busy life? Yeah. It's just, I gotta question? Do you ever get scared that you won't get to see it all? Umm, not really. I mean there's always more to see But I'm so grateful cause look at where I've been