Puncture Wounds To Heaven

I barely notice as you pick up all the pieces How long have I been like this? You must be tired And I'm still trying to find the words to compensate For how vacant I've been today Can't believe that I would take you for granted God I hate myself for letting you shoulder the weight for two If it gets too much to hold, I won't blame you if you go In every conversation you fight for my attention But I can feel the ennui that wears down your affection Does it help if I say I'm sorry? I know you must be tired But I'm scared because I don't recognise myself So whose role have I been modelled after? Mothers warmth and fathers laughter And yet I'm lost between with my anxiety and guilt Oh, what is the price of my reprieve If not a life of misery? Held hostage by a blade of shame With your name at the hilt But I still can't find the words to compensate For how vacant I have been Never meant to take you for granted, but I know I did God I hate myself for how you must think about me now Know how much it hurts to grieve But please don't hate me if I leave