You’re down boy, no one around, boy

Head in your hands and pain, so much pain

How can you ever be yourself again? Where do you go now?

To get back your soul now?

Do you stare at the ceiling and tune yourself out? Or crawl in a bottle and never crawl out? You’re just searching and searching for the big takeaway how the hell did this happen?

You look up and pray for the smile, girl

It's been a while, girl

You need a fix and you need it fast. How can you put all this shit in the past?

Yeah, who’s gonna be the hero? To get you through the night. Who’s gonna wrap their arms around you and make everything alright?

You know, it’s comedy

Here comes the comedy

Got you smilin’ and gigglin’ like you were a kid

Didn’t think it could get ya, but it just fuckin’ did

You’re laughin’ so hard as you feel the pain pass all because Ace Ventura just talked with his ass, yeah the comedy

There’s so much stress, kid, you’re such a mess, kid

If your first boyfriend dumps you through a text on the phone, or a note’s on the dresser, she ain’t coming home

When you’re down with a case of the gettin’-bullied blues, or holding their hand through the doctor’s bad news

You can do the pints of ice cream, or cry and cry in bed, or run away, or scream all day, or try this one instead:

Try on the comedy

We all need the comedy

You were close to the edge then you gave it a chance

Now you’re doing spit takes, and you’re pissing your pants

Yeah, the pain and the heartbreak got knocked off its feet, all because all these bridesmaids just shit in the street

Yeah, the comedy

Nothing beats the comedy

Yeah, actors can play dramatic

Singers can kill a song

But comedians say, “Fuck you, sadness”

Let’s laugh it off and move the fuck on

So, thank you, Abbott and Costello

And Leno on Letterman

Thank you, Ruth Buzzi’s pocketbook

And every scream from Kinison

Thank you, Lucy for baking your bread

And Spinal Tap for going to 11

Thank you, Three Stooges and Jerry Lewis

You made me happy since I was seven

Thank you, Marx Brothers, and Gleason on the bus

Thanks to Benny Hill For smacking the old bald guy for us

Thank you, Carol Burnett, George Carlin, and SCTV too

Eddie Murphy, my whole fucking neighborhood wanted to be you

Thank you, Sanford and Son, Joan Rivers, and the 2000 Year Old Man

Lily Tomlin, David Brenner, Flip Wilson and Roseanne

Thanks to Billy, Robin, and Whoopi for showing comedy cares

Thanks to Peter Sellers for falling down the stairs

Rickles and Goldie, Steven Wright and Madeline Kahn

Aykroyd and Belushi, The Jerky Boys, Cheech and fucking Chong

Airplane, Stir Crazy, The Jerk, and Easy-fucking-Money

Animal House, and Caddyshack, The kings of the funny

Pee-wee, Borat, Powers, Mean Girls, The Wayans and Farrelly brothers

Superbad, Elf, Hangover And those Jackass motherfuckers

Thank you, Chris Rock

Seinfeld and Colin Quinn

Herlihy, Jack, Coraci, and Apatow

Barrymore and Aniston

Love you, Buscemi and Stiller

Love you Triumph and Conie

Spade, KJ, Meadows and Schneider

Will always be my homies

Thank you, Downey

Thank you, Lorne

Thank you, Farley

Thank you, Norm

They say jokes can stay funny forever

A good joke can stay funny forever

Movies get older but the kids still get ’em

All the great laughs Yeah, we’ll never forget ’em

That’s why I say

Thank you

Thank you

Good night