8 Dates (Demo)

So...

A month ago or so, I was feeling super confident and sexy

And so of course I figured

'Hey, you know what?

I'm just going to put myself out there and organise some dates!'

But oh, my babies!

There are dates

And then there's stuff I've been getting up to

Friday night, I had pinned a date in the diary with a boy from Tinder

Six foot three, worked in the city

Boring job, but he were pretty

He said:

"Where and when?"

I said, "Meet at ten"

Kinda late, but it gave me a bit more

Time to make sure I looked fit

Have a shower, style me hair

Spend an hour on what to wear

Painting my nails and shaving my face

Making my bed, just in case

Put my favourite Beyoncé on

Drink a glass of Sauvignon blanc

I'm looking so glamorous, feeling alright

And I text the boy, "Still on for tonight?"

Bing!

It's getting late

Yeah...?

Bing!

And I can't wait

Yeah...?

Bing!

To head home 'cause I'm actually knackered

Are you free next week instead?

Sure

Bing!

So sorry

Don't worry, just let me know when, no hurry

Hey girl!

Hey girl!

Let's go out!

Oh!

The second I hit the floor

Everything from before fades away

'Cause I'm dancing from the window to the wall

Who cares about that guy who left me high and dry?

It's no big deal

And it doesn't affect my self-esteem at all

'Cause I might have had one date cancel

But I'm feeling fine about it

So, yeah, these things happen

Yeah, exactly

It was no big deal

I mean, sure, I wasted a bit of time shaving my...

Legs

Never mind, 'cause one week later

I met a cute gallery curator

Wanna rip off his double denim

Make his bed like Tracey Emin

So we set a date

A Wednesday at the Tate

Then he cancelled, but he said

"Hey, let's do Saturday instead"

One more day for getting ready

Haircut, wet shave, mani-pedi

Pop all my pimples, primp up my face

Haven't wanked all week, just in case

Getting nervous, Google Van Gogh

Down a pint of Cabernet Sauv

Order an Uber, and when they arrive

I text the boy: "Hey, see you in five?"

"Are you on your way?"

"Hey?"

"Hello?"

Hey, girl!

Not again?

It's fine!

Let's go out!

Oh!

The second I hit the town

Forget he let me down

And I get down

'Cause the club can't even handle me right now

Won't chop off my ear

For boys who don't appear

It's no big deal

And all art is pretentious bullshit anyhow

So I might have had three dates cancel

Bing!

Hey, really sorry!

Only just got home and charged my phone

Listen... ugh!! I've had an absolute nightmare–"

But I'm feeling fine about it

Took a risk with date number four

Bit awkward 'cause we snogged before

But I thought he might not dismiss me

'Cause at least once tried to kiss me

He said

"Okay, sure

I've got a rugby tour

But I've got time before my flight

So call me up later on tonight"

Pluck my brows, ring him on the phone

Hear the international dial tone

(Beeeeeeeeep)

Date number five and I'm excited

Feels like this time something's right, he

Bing!

Didn't seem like the type... to...

Boop!

Oh my God! No! Aw! It's totally fine!

Aw! Appendicitis is the worst

You get that thing out of there!

Date number six, I'm feeling shoddy

If he cancels, might kill somebo-

Bing!

Date number seven

Bing!

Date

Bing!

Date nine, now the first one's back in touch

Do I always sweat this much?

Says he'll meet me at the bar

"Yay! Can't wait!" Ha! Ha! Ha!

Wash me body for an hour

You can't see tears in the shower

Tissues and ice-cream already in place

Downloaded Titanic, just in case

Pause before me full-length mirror

Analyse me every flaw

Come to accept I'll be fine on my own

As I crawl into bed, go to turn off me phone

Bing!

"Work kept me late

So sorry, I went straight to the bar

But I'm a bit early, so no rush

Can't wait!"

"Are you sure?"

"What?"

"I mean, great! Just heading out the door!"

Hey girl!

I'm on my way

No, he's there

What?

I'm going out!

Woo!

The second I hit the bar

I spot him from afar

And I know my heart will go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I pull up a chair

There's magic in the air as he leans in and says

"Have you done something new with your hair?"

Someone cares!

Waow!!

I seem to make him laugh

He's friendly to the staff

And he tells me about the stock exchange for an hour and a half

He says

"This was fun"

Walks me home at half-past one

He asks if I've got any plans this weekend

I said, "None!"

'Cause I might have had

One, two, three, four

Five, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero! Lipschitz!

Seven, eight dates cancel

Cancel

But number nine was alright