album cover
Red Flags Everywhere
Comedy
Red Flags Everywhere was released on January 24, 2025 by Pinch Records as a part of the album Bolo
album cover
AlbumBolo
Release DateJanuary 24, 2025
LabelPinch Records
LanguageEnglish
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Matt Ruby
Matt Ruby
Comedian
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Matt Ruby
Matt Ruby
Composer
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Nick Angelo
Nick Angelo
Producer

Lyrics

But yeah, men getting worse and worse
as women are getting pickier and pickier
How the hell is that supposed to work out, you know?
Like ladies, can we admit there's been a lot of red flag inflation lately?
Not everything can be a red flag
I know this girl, she broke up with a guy
I was like, "Why? I thought you liked him"
She's like, "He didn't reply to my text messages right away, red flag"
I was like, "He's an air traffic controller, what the hell, alright?
If he replies right away, people will die
How special do you think you are?
'Cause you all think you're queens now
Ladies, I hate to break it to you, not every woman is a queen
See that tension?
All I said was, "Not every woman is a queen"
And you're like, "Hold on, mister"
If everyone's a queen, then no one's a queen
I can't believe I have to explain how royalty works
I can't believe that's where we're at as a society now
And I found that women are very mad at me
For something that men in the past have done to them
I don't know if you're familiar with this phenomenon
It's always some very specific thing, you know?
She'll be like, "I know guys like you"
I'm like, "You do?"
She's like, "Yeah, you're gonna take me on a hot air balloon ride
And not have enough fuel and then have to land in a field"
I'm sorry that happened to you
But I will disappoint you in new and unique ways
I promise, okay?
Red flags, all the time, you know?
I, you know, this is actually true
I had a girl ask me how old I was
And then she's like, "Have you ever been married before?"
I was like, "No"
And she's like, "That's kind of a problem for me"
I need to know you can commit, red flag
Like, wait, now I'm getting blamed for never having failed at something before?
Do you only get in an Uber if the guy's crashed at least one car?
Is that your policy in life?
I couldn't believe it
I was like, "You're really not gonna go out with me
Just 'cause I've never abandoned something"
She's like, "Yeah, that's right"
I was like, "Alright, have you ever had an abortion?"
She's like, "No"
I'm like, "Well, that's kind of a problem for me, alright"
I need to know you can commit
Murder, yeah!
Where are my Republicans at? Alright
Written by: Matt Ruby
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