I was thinking about, you know, that phrase they have for, uh

When people are being held hostage and they start to bond with their captors

You know, marriage

I can tell how healthy a marriage is by what TV show they're trying to get me to binge watch

The worse the show, the worse the marriage

Because they try to rope you in, they're like

"You're not watching 'Secrets of Great British Castles'?"

No, I don't live with someone I hate, no I don't, you know?

And I'm good like for the first six months in a relationship, I can do well at that

It's after like a few years living together, that's when it gets hard for me, you know?

But the first six months of a relationship are kind of easy

It just feels like you're on molly, right?

I've been living together for years, it still feels like you're on molly

But now it's like you're on molly, and you're stuck on the subway

Right? You're just like, "Yeah, this is amazing, and my God, I feel trapped, wow"

"When are these doors gonna open?

I will walk through the tunnels, I'll walk through the tunnels, just let me out, let me go somewhere"

Even jealousy, I think, is like an early stage relationship kind of thing, you know?

First couple months of dating, you go out, you see some guy talking to your girl

You're like, "Hey buddy, she's with me, alright? Back off"

After you've been living together for years, you go out, you see some guy talking to your girl

You're like, "Oh, thank God, yes, yes, talk it out, talk it out"

You feel like you hired a task rabbit to help you move a couch, it's amazing

It's like, "Yeah, I'll be in the corner doing shots, yeah"

Eventually, you're just like feeding him topics

You're like, "Ask her about Meghan Markle, yeah"

"Oh, Mercury's in retrograde, find out about it"

"She's got opinions, yeah"

Ah, man