You've been wondering what's wrong with you, and hey, guess what?

I think we know by now the answer is a lot

You overthink, you overdrink

You panic every time you might have found a future husband for yourself

And even though all of the aforementioned things are true

And even though you are a git, and yeah, you know it too

I don't think that these are fundamental reasons as to why right now you find yourself upon the shelf

And so I start to roll my eyes

When you demand we analyse what's to blame

As if it's not a game, as if we're both the same

When you and I both know

There's no question that you're gonna find someone to love

That you're gonna get the sunset you dreamed of

There's no question that you're gonna find someone to hold

You're gonna move to the Cotswolds and grow old

And you’ll laugh at your old jingle of “Why am I so single?”

But there'll be no question left for you to answer

Nope, there's no question

Thank you

Where's the Cotswolds?

Nobody knows

But the thing is

I genuinely don't see this as some big difference between us

Like I really believe all that all happened for you

Like it's gonna happen sometime

Sally, I think you're needed at the Kit Kat Club

Look, I'll admit that recently it's been a rough old patch

You've been burned a bit and now you're scared to find a match

But your perfect man is out there waiting

Waiting for the moment he can organise and cancel our first date

You know you make these little jokes

Moi?

Exhibit A

I actually think it's what is standing in your way

I know all this deflection is so you don't risk rejection

Sorry, doc, remind me of your hourly rate

But when you get over this fear

All this avoiding, then it's clear you will see

That your future will be like what you see for me

Nancy, look, there's a bee

There's no bee

And there's no question

You're gonna find the love of your life

I can't wait to meet him and his wife

No, there's no question

You're gonna have someone who's all yours

Yes, someone who has whiskers and paws

And I'll teach my cat a jingle

He'll sing, "Meow, meow, meow, so single"

Till the day he eats my rotting carcass

And dies from indigestion