I am a living American blonde

I am a young prince scheming for the throne that you're on

I am the fynbos, resplendent with birdsong

I am an unabridged, illustrated history of ping-pong

I'm president of various things

The Strand Jetski Club, the local Rotary wing

I am a beacon of benevolent wisdom

I've got knowledge to impart upon the neighbourhood children

Richard, how do you do it?

I say you've got to knuckle down kid, you've got to learn to live through it

You'll prosper, if you stick at it for long enough

Richard, how do you do it?

You've got to knuckle down kid, you've got to learn to live through it and prosper, prosper

Well I've got my holiday socks on

French Opening across the kitchen tiles, knocking into everyone

I used to have a passing shot

They'd say "shot Richard, lovely passing shot"

But I was younger then and living was free

Now evening wine invokes a purple-prosing demon in me

And I am trying to be very direct here

I am trying to write the perfect sentence

Richard, how do you do it?

I say you've got to knuckle down kid, you've got to learn to live through it

You'll prosper, if you stick at it for long enough

Richard, how do you do it?

You've got to knuckle down kid, you've got to learn to live through it and prosper, prosper

Execute the perfect burnout

Perfect circles on the tarmac

Execute the perfect spread of marmalade on toast

And if I die in action will you scatter my ashes

In a 2-bit landscape?

Will you shatter the lava lamps

Let them bleed out on a promenade?