I gotta clean up my act cause I aint got long,

when the screen turns black will they sing my song?

I been dreamin to capture this freedom I’m after,

yet I keep comin’ back to the same old spot.

Gotta clean up my act cause I aint got long,

when the screen turns black will they sing my song?

I been dreamin to capture this freedom I’m after,

yet I keep comin’ back to the same old spot.

I’m in the same old spot now,

cant motivate myself to make a change.

But I can’t lie to ya im alright gettin knocked out,

sleepin nice and late from these drugs that i take.

I been feelin great, the highs im on dont always last long,

but i have got a lot more to take before i pass on.

All my homies keep on questionin my fuckin plans,

and why im always thinkin bout when i’ll be gettin drunk again.

Just a couple lames, they dont know my pain,

i take drugs because they help me get through the day.

And to deal with all of you punks,

but it aint workin, i guess i aint doin enough. But who gives a fuck about them anyways?All I need is this cup and a bit of haze.

And better days will eventually begin,

all i know is i wont ever quit takin my medicine.

So here I go on my own,

goin down the only path i know.

It’s too late to make a reversal,

either way im goin back 2 the circle.

So here I go with the flow,

then i found that i was at a crossroads

Where will I go? Only the lord knows,

either way im goin back 2 the circle

I gotta clean up my act cause I aint got long,

when the screen turns black will they sing my song?

I been dreamin to capture this freedom I’m after,

yet I keep comin’ back to the same old spot.

Gotta clean up my act cause I aint got long,

when the screen turns black will they sing my song?

I been dreamin to capture this freedom I’m after,

yet I keep comin’ back to the same old spot.

I’m in the same old spot now,

can’t find a way to break outta the chains. It’s like corona came back with how they keepin me locked down,

i been isolating stay outta my space.

Stay outta my face,

these conversations always last long,

and im so sick and tired of always keepin this mask on.

Cause I dont (wanna show em who i really fuckin am,

and how im always thinkin bout when i’ll be gettin drunk again.

Just another way I can numb the pain,

an escape to help me get through another day.

But lately it aint doin enough,

my tolerance built up and i cant even catch a buzz.

While im still fiendin for the next one,

this road im on might not be the best one.

Im tryna take less drugs and less of a beating,

im thinkin bout tryin out an AA meeting.

So here I go on my own,

goin down the only path i know.

It’s too late to make a reversal,

either way im goin back 2 the circle.

So here I go with the flow,

then i found that i was at a crossroads

Where will I go? Only the lord knows,

either way im goin back 2 the circle.

I gotta clean up my act cause I aint got long,

when the screen turns black will they sing my song?

I been dreamin to capture this freedom I’m after,

yet I keep comin’ back to the same old spot.

Gotta clean up my act cause I aint got long,

when the screen turns black will they sing my song?

I been dreamin to capture this freedom I’m after,

yet I keep comin’ back to the same old spot.

Ok I walked into the room toward impending doom,

complexion lookin like i belonged in a tomb. Everybody seemed grateful to meet like they were waiting for me,

they’re so happy it was like somebody paid ‘em to be.

So then I took a seat and someone started speaking,

about how serious dealin with his disease is. And how its leadin folks to so many deceases,

and if he’d never quit he’d be with em for the same reasons.

And with the way that he spoke on his experience,

I coulda swore I was only starin in a mirror. My head got clearer, it feels like I was meant to hear that,

and when he finished he came up to me fast.

Told ‘em how thankful I was to learn about his path,

then he cut me off and thanked me for remindin him of his past.

He said “listen I can tell your new and need something stat,

I promise you that you’ll get it if you just keep coming back”

and i did just that,

and i did just that.

I gotta clean up my act cause I aint got long,

when the screen turns black will they sing my song?

I been dreamin to capture this freedom I’m after,

yet I keep comin’ back to the same old spot.

Back.

Hello... in case you forgot me... I am your disease...

I hate meetings... I hate Higher Powers... I hate anyone who has a program.

To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.

Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love to pretend I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can’t neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all, that is true gratification. All I ask from you is long term suffering.

I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People didn’t take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meeting, your Higher Power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here, quietly. You don't see me but I am growing bigger than ever. And when you only exist, I may live. When you live, I may only exist.

I am here, and until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.

…if we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.

Oh yeah, I thought I woulda had you beat by now,

thought i’d be layin down kickin up my feet by now.

Thought i’d be outta streets somewhere out on a beach,

well he been swimmin’ but he just might drown.

It’s a miracle im safe-and-sound,

so many close calls but i’ve stayed above-ground?

You’d think I really woulda learned from this, but I forget all the sufferin and keep comin’ back around.

Too many relapses I’ve lost count.

I can’t bounce back I’m too strung out,

I keep tellin myself i’ll make out there somehow,

but whenever Im gettin up I fall back down.

Stuck in between bein lost and found,

so many shots but i never got a rebound

I been in it for ages cant escape it,

praying to god to save him,

but im just shoutin at the clouds.

Now I can hear the tollin’ bells,

my momma told me that I need to get some help,

Cause I been headed for a cemetery or a cell,

whichever one is better for me I can’t even tell.

People say I’m runnin to my death,

but that would be the best cause I’m sick of livin in hell.

So someone go and tell my folks I said farewell,

and tell em I’m sorry I was the joker they were dealt.

And I don’t blame another soul,

that im in this hole cause it’s my own fault I fell,

I’m stuck down here looking for anyone else,

cause what I need most is to be free from my self.

They say it only takes 12 steps,

and if i take em i’ll finally heal my unrest.

Now it’s time we decide what i’ll do next,

my decision: life or death.