Drunk Texting - Gabriel Iglesias: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

Gabriel Iglesias

Drunk Texting

Standup Comedy

Drunk Texting was released on March 13, 2026 by Comedy Dynamics, A Nacelle Company as a part of the album I'm Not Fat I'm Fluffy

Song Details

AlbumI'm Not Fat I'm Fluffy

Release DateMarch 13, 2026

LabelComedy Dynamics, A Nacelle Company

LanguageEnglish

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS

Gabriel Iglesias

Gabriel Iglesias

Spoken Word

COMPOSITION & LYRICS

Gabriel Iglesias

Gabriel Iglesias

Songwriter

PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING

Gabriel Iglesias

Gabriel Iglesias

Producer

Lyrics

Here's the thing, I took my girl to the Apple store

And I got her an iPhone I got myself one, and I said

"From now on, we're texting each other"

And believe it or not

She was cool with that because anytime she would send me a text

I would reply, like that, I could be anywhere

Freaking in the bathroom, freaking

Cling! 'What are you doing?'

"I'm blowing it up, I love you"

Send, and she'd reply, "Oh my God, me too! I love you!"

It sounds so stupid, but it was working out perfectly until one night I got drunk

Oh, you want to hear this? (Yeah) You want to hear this? (Yeah)

So check this out

I'm leaving a comedy club in San Jose, California

And I'm walking back to my hotel room which is one block away

As I'm walking, I pass in front of this bar on the corner called Cinebar

It's got all kinds of cinema and movie memorabilia in there, looks cool

I'm walking in front, and there are people in that bar that just left my show

So I walk in front and I heard, "Fluffy, hey, let me buy you a shot!"

I was like, "Well, you know, I don't want to be rude, can't have that, right?'

So I walked in, I said, what's, you know, I'm on my way back to my room

I'll just do a couple shots, whatever, so, you know, one shot, and then somebody

"Me too! All right, me too!" Vamanos, let's do it!'

Me three, me four, 15 shots of tequila later

It occurs to me, I think I should go

I start walking towards the door

I took three steps, the cold air hit me, I got dizzy, and I fell hard

I know I fell hard because when I hit the ground, I farted

Oh my god, I farted!

My buddy Martin ran over and he helped me up off the ground

"You okay, Gabe?" 'I'm okay, Martin

We stumble back to the hotel room

I sit down in the lobby and I'm just like

"Are you okay, Gabriel?" I'm okay, man, where's my phone?

I gotta let my girl know I'm okay

You're holding it

Oh, thank you, Martin, I love you, I love you

You're a good friend, man, you're a good friend

He goes, "What are you doing?"

I'ma text

Dude, just call her

No! If I call her, she's gonna know something's up

I'm gonna text her, watch

Baby, I made it back to the hotel, I love you, kissy face, send

How did it go?

I farted, I shouldn't tell her that, huh, Martin? Okay

It went good, send

Cling! What did you do after your show?

Oh, here we go

My buddy Martin is like, "Gabriel, man, Gabriel

Don't tell her, don't tell her you were at a bar getting drunk man, don't tell her"

Martin, I have to tell her the truth, bro

We're cool like that, man I can talk to her, I can tell her anything, man

She's not like your old lady, you know, tripping all the time

"Hey Martin, take the pictures of the cochina off the internet"

Whatever I'm sorry, did I say that out loud? Forgive me, bro

Gabriel, lie!, I can't lie, man

Lie!

I can't lie!

Are you that honest?'

No, I just won't remember the lie

If I get in trouble two times with the same stupid thing

You know what I'm saying, bro?

So I sent the message

Baby, I made it, oh, delete, delete, delete

Baby, I went next door with Martin to Cinebar, had a nice time

Kissy face, kissy face, kissy face, send

Cling!

"Lucky you, wish I could have been there with you

Tell Martin I said hi, I love you"

Oh my God, Martin!

I just told my girlfriend I was at a bar with you and she didn't get mad!

What the hell is she doing?'

Man, she told me to tell you hi, and she don't even like you!

So I scrolled back to read what she read

And apparently my stupid iPhone has this memory spell-check feature

And it didn't recognize the word Cinebar

It flipped it and turned it into Cinnabon

So apparently at ten o'clock at night

My girlfriend thought I was having cinnamon rolls with my friend Martin

Which normally would sound like an ugly lie

But considering her boyfriend is known as the fluffy guy who loves chocolate cake

It sounds real! I was like, "Oh my God, Martin, check it out! My iPhone lied for me!

I love you iPhone! BlackBerry can't do that!'

A month later, my girlfriend heard me tell the story

And she's like, "That's a funny joke" I go, "It really happened"

"How come you didn't tell me?" I said, "The phone didn't let me"

And her friends are right there, 'See, he's out there getting wasted, sending you messed-up texts"

Whatever, shut up, hater!

Written by: Gabriel Iglesias

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