album cover
Antarctica
1
Comedy
Antarctica was released on January 1, 1989 by Phil McIntyre Television as a part of the album Live Stand-Up
album cover
Release DateJanuary 1, 1989
LabelPhil McIntyre Television
LanguageEnglish
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

Lyrics

So here we are
In the realisation
Of how far across the reality gap we really are
How small we are
We can't do anything
We can't get anything together
We're too scared
We're too farty
Now let's consider the evil that we do upon this world
Because we bestride it, let's face it
Like a bit of a colossus
I mean, let's be honest, right?
We're all over the place fucking the world up
Now let's look at something big
To compose against our smallness
I'll tell you a big fact
I mean, it's only little, but it's also big
Did you know that the ecosystem in Antarctica is so delicate
So delicate
That a footprint in the moss would last for ten years?
That's true
The growing season is so short
And the fibre so delicate and pristine
A footprint would not grow out for ten years
That's awesome
I mean, make you believe in God
That's so perfect, a little piece of creation
Perhaps even more awe inspiring
Is that a dedicated environmentalist
Despite the fact that vegetation is very scarce in the Antarctic
Very scarce
A dedicated environmentalist sought
Out possibly the only patch of moss
In the entire subcontinent
And stamped on the bastard
And thus, learned the world
Of the infinite fragility
Of the last great wilderness
And I'm here to tell you, ladies and gentlemen
That we, the British people
Are supporting our government
And many other governments in the world
To develop the Antarctic
That's the word they've chosen
Develop
Well, wank, wank, wank
God didn't do a good enough job?
Yeah, we're gonna go down and improve it
We're gonna develop it
I mean, why don't they just be honest?
Fuck right up
That's what they mean, don't they?
But no, they use the word develop to sanitise it
We could use the word develop ourselves, couldn't we?
"Well, I will admit, Your Honour
I did develop him in the face a couple of times, yeah
And I did develop his testicles
But there was no intention of destroying his environment"
Look, if a footprint lasts ten years
How long is the rubbish from the
First Antarctic McDonald's gonna last?
How long is the drill platforms gonna stay?
Forever
A long time
Longer than even British Telecom understand
When they say they'll be round soon to put your new phone in
Thousands of years
And they're gonna develop it
As I speak, there are people in the Antarctic being paid for by us
Making decisions that will outlive them by 50,000 years
They are making decisions that will
Have an effect 50 millennium from now
The human race has only been in existence twice that long
I mean, they really must have some confidence, eh?
Why don't they just all get together
On the site one day in the Antarctic
And go "Here, everyone
We're a bunch of farty's, aren't we?"
And they'll go "Yeah, that's right, we are
We're gits, aren't we?
I forgot
Fucking hell
Let's piss off home before we do any more damage, eh?"
Wouldn't that be lovely, ladies and gentlemen?
Because call me an old hippy if you will
But we are not big enough for the decisions that we are taking
But ladies and gentlemen
If we all realised how small we are
Then how big we would be
And no one would fuck on us or our world
Ladies and gentlemen, I've got to tell you
Six nights at Hammersmith
I'm real proud
I hope you enjoyed all the new material
Because I enjoyed doing it for you
I'd like to say thank you
My name's Ben Elton
Good night!
Written by: Harald Kloser, Thomas Wanker
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