Reviewing the Situation

A man's got a heart, hasn't he? Joking apart -- hasn't he? And tho' I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint, I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint... I'm reviewing the situation Can a fellow be a villain all his life? All the trials, and tribulations! Better settle down and get myself a wife. And a wife would cook and sew for me, And come for me, and go for me, And go for me, and nag at me, The fingers, she would wag at me. The money she would take from me. A misery, she'd make from me... ...I think I'd better think it out again! A wife you can keep, anyway, I'd rather sleep, anyway. Left without anyone in the world, And I'm starting from now. So "how to win friends and to influence people" ...So how? I'm reviewing the situation, I must quickly look up ev'ryone I know. Titled people -- with a station -- Who can help me make a real impressive show! I will own a suite at Claridges, And run a fleet of carriages, And wave at all the duchesses With friendliness, as much as is Befitting of my new estate... "Good morrow to you, magistrate!" ...I think I'd better think it out again. So where shall I go -- somebody? Who do I know? Nobody! All my dearest companions Have always been villains and thieves... So at my time of life I should start turning over new leaves...? I'm reviewing the situation. If you want to eat -- you've got to earn a bob! Is it such a –humiliation For a robber to perform an honest job? So a job I'm getting, possibly, I wonder who my boss'll be? I wonder if he'll take to me...? What bonuses he'll make to me...? I'll start at eight and finish late, At normal rate, and all... but wait! ...I think I'd better think it out again. What happens when I'm seventy? Must come a time... seventy. When you're old, and it's cold And who cares if you live or you die, Your one consolation's–the money You may have put by... I'm reviewing the situation. I'm a bad 'un and a bad 'un I shall stay! You'll be seeing no transformation, But it's wrong to be a rogue in ev'ry way. I don't want nobody hurt for me, Or made to do the dirt for me. This rotten life is not for me. It's getting far too hot for me. Don't want no one to rob for me. But who will find a job for me There is no in between for me, But who will change the scene for me? ...I think I'd better think it out again! Hey!