The Five-Fifteen

(Aout Mr. Beale; surely he's coming home for the party? I should say so! He's announcing his daughter's engagement! Wall Street will have to do without him for a day! Mister Beale thinks making money matters more Than a restful family summer by the shore But unless some act of God divine Derails the New York-Montauk line, He's arriving on the five-fifteen! (Then I'll have the car waiting at the station) (Auntie Edith! Auntie Edith!) Girls, girls! Just look at you! Jackie, lovely, and Lee... a fright! What have you been doing? (Sing for us, Auntie Edith) Now girls, make yourselves useful Go out to the garden... Make some pretty little nosegays to wear at the party- (Please!) (Please! Just one song!) All right. Gould. What's next on the bill? "Indian Love Call"? (No,...The Mysterious Orient) Hit it! Pretty itty bitty geisha, Delicate and small and sweet. Kneeling on tatami Making origami Hobbling on her poor bound feet. Pity itty bitty geisha Hiding all her foolish pride... Let your Auntie Edith Finish her rehearsal. Take your silly selves outside. Scoot! Utter terrors, those two! (I just adore children...) (Especially grown ones) (Ma'am. The caterer's arrived) (Where would you like him to set up?) Put the chafing dishes on the garden ledge Once the gardener has finished with the hedge. Chill the vichyssoise and heat the veal And wish me luck 'cuz Mister Beale Is arriving on the five-fifteen! What time is it? (Half past eleven) Good Lord! One o'clock! - Set the chairs and the tables! Two o'clock! - Raise the big white tent! Three o'clock! - Reginaldo does our hair! (Now that sounds promising) Four o'clock! - Hang the Japanase lanterns! Five o'clock! - Mix the champagne punch! (Pick the inchworms off the peonies) (Pink Umbrellas for the daiquiris) The Ambassador and Rose will tour the grounds. "Like a spread from House & Garden," she expounds. (Oh, How nouveau riche') Have the piano tuned and moved outdoors By cocktail hour- Mine, not yours, And restrict yourself to grenadine You cannot be sloshed At five-fifteen. (Beale residence... hold please) (Lady from the Hampton-Bee) Why hello Margaret! Yes, darling, half past five. Well, everyone, simply le Tout Park Ave... And la creme de Hyannis! Well, the press table's going to be awfully crowded... But if you don't mind sharing a folding chair with "Harper's Bazaar"... Sing? Me? Heavens no, It's Edie's day, not mine... Although people can be so insistent, and I hate to disappoint. Twist my arm, blackmail me, threaten my very life, and who knows? You might get a verse or something... Yes, darling, half past! Now, Where were we? One o'clock! - Stake the droopy hydrangeas! Two o'clock! - Fill the lotus pond! - Three o'clock! Lock the cat up in its room! - Four o'clock! Glaze the salmon in aspic! - Five o'clock! Crack the crab on ice! With the privet pruned and manicured, And my daughter's future well assured... Grey Gardens will be decked out in its prime! Little Edie will be here with Joe in time! Like a Norman Rockwell family, Our photo in "The Hamptons Bee"! - The event of 1941! - Of East, West, South, and Bridge Hampton! Though perhaps I've overspent a bit, The man who's gonna pay for it- -Is arriving on the Five-Fifteen!