Ace Insurance Man

Two men sittin' in straight back chairs Feet propped up on the railin' Sittin' in front of the country store Discussin' how the crops were failin' About that time a car drove by With an Ace Insurance bumper sticker Well, that must be the man been courtin' Abell He's somethin' of a city slicker (Ah, you can tell just from the way he's drivin' that car) Do you reckon he's goin' up to see Abell? You know her daddy went to Maben this day And her momma's been in Arkansas with her ailin' pa Ain't nobody home that way (Ha, ha, 'cept Abell) Now, I don't mean nothing by what I say But if you won't say it, I can She ain't got no bid'ness alone With that Ace Insurance man (Why there's just no tellin' what might happen) People ought to keep an eye on they're kids You remember 'bout Abby McGuinness Why't like't killed her ma when she found out about it Course, I know it ain't none of my bid'ness But uh, well, if it was me, but if it was me Well, It might be too late and it would be a pity Better call up the sheriff in Calhoun City And have the preacher organize a 'vestigating committee To see what's going on (Yes, sir, and we'd better hurry) Tearin' down the road in a pickup truck With Begley out taking the lead Followed by a tractor and a half-lame mule Dust flyin' as they picked up speed Faces beamin' goodness and their jaw's set hard Good people just doin' what's right And off in the distance was Abell's house And there wasn't a soul in sight Aw, I could'a told you (Oh, I just knew it) Now, the gravel was flyin' as he turned the bend And screeched to a grindin' halt They went through the fence, into the flower bed And hit Pa's first-prize hog in the head And left half a dozen Mama's chickens for dead But it wasn't nobody's fault Oh, look at Harvey's prize hog And all of them darlin' old grown bad chickens (We got more important things to tend to, boy) I wonder if they're covered? Committee bounded on the front porch To meet the enemy face to face When Abell yelled at 'em through the screen door "Y'all messed up my Daddy's place" But in her hand she waved a policy Sayin' with a Mona Lisa grin "Well, y'all timed that one just about right 'Cause Ace done struck again, a-heh"