Super Dan

The sun has gone down and Dan is having drinks with friends Nothing awfully crazy, just one or two Cuz something always happens when he gets too loaded That lands him on the six o'clock news Like the lady that he saved from having all her stuff stolen When he threw up on the purse snatcher's shoes Or the time he stopped the mayor from being shot by an assassin By taking him to get a tattoo Of the logo they'd use when they start a band Because only when things get out of hand He becomes Super Dan Super Dan is only super when he's blackout drunk He can stop a robbery just by blowing chunks When you see the Dan signal of a bottle of Jack in the sky It tells you that you can rely on Super Dan Uh oh... You can bet that he will show Uh Uh Oh... If he's facedown in a Merlot The morning after hero he often feels like zero His hangovers are super sized But every hero needs to have a big arch enemy For Dan it's loud noise and bright lights One time he stopped a bombing by a masked man in a bank He diffused the bomb and saved all of them He'll tell you it was genius knowing the right button to push But he just thought it was the ATM He can leap a tall bar and land flat on the floor He's faster than a silver bullet can of Coors He is Super Dan Super Dan is only super when he's feeling no pain Fermented grain makes him fly like a airplane He shouldn't fly when he's been down in his secret lair liquor lab So can you call a taxi cab for Super Dan? Uh oh... To drive a car he's got to blow Uh Uh oh... Blood alcohol of 1.0 And he can walk through walls Because he missed the door (double vision) And he can shift shapes From man to lump on floor (puddle pissin') And he fights crime Even if he can't stand (keelin ova') He once passed out Saved all of Japan (Go Godzilla) And evil men cower When he's in his prime (barely lucid) And they hear his battle cry It's Miller time! Super Dan is only super when he's super plowed Tried breathing fire but the Everclear just burned his brows He likes to think he's got the super awesome power of mind control When hitting on some ugly troll, that's Super Dan Uh oh... He had her when he said hello Uh uh oh... Too bad she looks like a Van Gogh Dan has got a bar stool with his name carved on the side A tribute to his drunken wins But he knows to get much bigger he better get a rig Because a hero needs his heroin Like the time he stopped a terrorist by hitting him with his car Cuz he nodded out behind the wheel Or when he stopped a huge invading strange alien race By shooting up with Ron Popeil And maybe there weren't really aliens in the attic But they cut them all down with a Chop-o-Matic Ragin' Ron and Super Dan Super Dan is only super when he's totally stewed He knows karate, jiu jitsu, and a bit of kung fu Ask him to show you, He'll end up just trying to kick some old dude in the teeth Sometimes it's tricky to believe ol' Super Dan Uh oh... He says he knows some taekwondo Uh uh oh... Claims he beat up Russell Crowe Uh oh... A total lie since it began Uh uh oh... He's just a drunken stupid Super Dan