The After

Uh, hello! Uh, hey You're probably here to see Frank, huh? Who's Frank? You'll see, go ahead, take a seat How's it going? (Good) Uh, quick question though Where am I? You're in The After (The After?) Yup, the great beyond You're dead my friend, you are dead My name is Frank, and, while we finish up your paperwork Let's have your exit interview, shall we? Uh, I'm really confused right now That's okay, it'll all make sense soon Welcome to the After You're in another chapter (Take a seat, pal) while we look at your disasters With laughter, we've captured every moment you've ever had From the super glad, to the very sad, or the really bad Like when you told lies to that broke guy Asked if you had change, you said my hands are tied You slapped your thighs, said, "Sorry sir, I just buy with credit cards But I'll get you next time, so bye-bye" Do you remember when you were on the phone with Grand-Pop Half-cocked, scrolling through the 'gram, when you had to stop Saw a girl in a loose crop Started licking your lips like a kid in a candy shop Now, I'm not the cops, but your pops was trying to talk to you And you were tuned out, with family in front of you (That's not fair!) You weren't there, your attention was broken You were hopin' your gramps wouldn't notice You were floating but as he anecdote, he laughed at his own joke Asked what you thought, then your brain choked (isn't that right, son?) You said, "Hey, could you repeat that? My reception here is real bad" Dude, that's so sad But doesn't it matter that I tried to be kind? Like I've always tried to be a good person Ultimately, doesn't that matter at all? Did you try? You really tried? Like you really, really, really tried? (I think so) Look here kid you got it mixed up Thought you did a lot, but you didn't do enough You tried your best, you just confessed You made your nest, you like to rest You puffed your chest, like Adam West Little Batman, run away from the Robin Might as well jump inside of your coffin Come-a-knockin', frankly, now we're talkin' Shakin' things up like you're rockin' maracas You put stock in your options, ride to the top Won't stop 'til you drop this, pantomime's up Try Mr. Nice Guy, if the time's right Then you'll do a good deed for a treat like a dog, ruff So, does that mean I'm goin' to Heaven or no? That's a great question, okay We still gotta process your paperwork But before we decide where to place you I'd like to give you an opportunity (I'm listening) Here in the After, we are all about truth Now, up north, anyone can watch anyone else's tapes Down south, not so much With full transparency with what happened in the before Peace is brought to the After, does that make sense? (I think so) Great, well, we have all of human history on tape right here And uh, just incase this is it for you, I'll let you sneak a peak What do you wanna know? Wow, I, I can see anything? Yes, it's a big decision Uh, okay, um, I wanna know, I want to know Oh, I wanna know if my high school girlfriend cheated on me You, you what? My high school girlfriend, I want to know if she cheated on me Are you sure? A hundred percent Okay, let's pull up the tape (now before that) That was a test, and you failed You're going south (aw, man) Stan? (Already on it?) (Come on, you're coming with me) Wait, wait, wait, but did she cheat on me? Still? You're going to Hell, man I know, it's just been on my mind a lot It's too late dude, it's too late Just take it easy when you see her down there, okay? I knew it! (Alright, come on tough guy, we gotta get going) I know, God, that's so disappointing Hey, just shoot me a text when we get another one I have to pee real quick