How Drunk Are You, Lady?

Well I was sittin' at the bar not thinkin' 'bout much

Just the other day

I was doin' my best to drown all my cares away

And that's when I saw her

And oh was she a sight to see

I knew that she was shit-faced

When she fell into a VLT

Well she was finishing other people's empties

She was lightin' up darks inside

She was hittin' on a god-damn coat rack

Lord I couldn't get that drunk if I tried

And it's safe to say that I won't forget that night

'Cause scientists to this day don't know

How that lady was still upright

Well I approached her

Though I know it wasn't wise

She smelled like puke and Moose Head Dry

But that came as no surprise

I asked her on a scale of Rob Ford to Jim Lahey

How drunk are you lady

Well I've been drunk enough to talk to a dart board

And fall out of a Balsam Fir

I've been drunk enough to pee into my VCR

But I've never been as drunk as her

She the GOAT at gettin' liquored up

World champion at catchin' a buzz

She's the Alberta Premium princess

She's the queen of Canadian Club

Well I approached her

Though I know it wasn't wise

She smelled like death and Export A's

But that came as no surprise

I asked her on a scale of Rob Ford to Jim Lahey

How drunk are you lady

How drunk are you lady

How drunk are you lady

How drunk are you lady

How drunk are you lady