She had a face like the north side of the Eiger
Powder white and craggy underneath
Head to toe in the dead skin of a tiger
But nobody could see beyond her teeth
Come and hold me closer tiny dancer
Will you give as good as you are gonna get
She wasn't taking no for an answer
There's life in this old dog yet
I will not go
While the taps still flow
I need a chaperone
Woah oh oh
To carry me home
She had a temper like Eyjafjallajökull
Liable to blow at any time
And her jokes were as filthy as a coal scuttle
First there came the punch and then the line
She said my darling you're leaving pick a window
Don't show your face around here any more
I don't mind a casual innuendo
I ain't never heard shit like that before
I will not go
While the taps still flow
I need a chaperone
Woah oh oh
To carry me home
It'll take more than a jackknife and a crowbar
To lever me out of this chair
So bring me another Bloody Mary
Cause I'm not going anywhere
I will not go
While the taps still flow
I need a chaperone
Woah oh oh
To carry me home
