Sheriff Fatman

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you - Sheriff Fatman! Now Sheriff Fatman started out in business As a granny farmer He was infamous for fifteen minutes And he appeared on Panorama Then he somehow got himself on board The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme With a Prince of Wales award For pushing Valium and amphetamines Moving up on second base Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface At six foot six and a hundred tons The undisputed king of the slums With more aliases than Klaus Barbie The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea Just about to take the stage The one and only Hold the front page! Fatman's got something to sell To the capital's homeless At The Crossroads Motel For the no-fixed-abodeless Where you can live life in style You can sleep in a closet And if you flash him a smile He'll take your teeth as deposit There's bats in the belfry The windows are jammed The toilets ain't healthy And he don't give a damn He just chuckles and smiles And laughs like a madman, A born again Rachman Here comes Sheriff Fatman With his Valium, amphetamines His sick notes and his phony prescriptions And just when you thought it was safe To go back to the kitchen, Dead legs and cracked heads Bunk-beds and breakfasts Wake up you sleepy headcases... check this... Moving up on second base Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface At six foot six and a hundred tons The undisputed king of the slums With more aliases than Klaus Barbie The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea Just about to take the stage The one and only - Hold the front page! Moving up now to take the place Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface At six foot six and a hundred tons The undisputed king of the slums With more aliases than Klaus Barbie The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea In a hatchback from Notre Dame, The one and only - Sheriff Fatman! In goes another left hook And now I'm losing my patience Someone call up Roger Cook and The United Nations He's buying up houses for the has-beens and healthy From Lands End to Southend and Chelsea There's bats in the belfry The windows are jammed The toilets ain't healthy He don't give a damn He just chuckles and smiles And laughs like a madman Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... SHERIFF FATMAN!