Uneasy Rider

I was takin a trip out to L.A. Toolin along in my cheverolet Tokin on a number and diggin on the radio Just as I crossed the Mississippi line I heard that highway start to whine And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow Well the spare was flat and I got uptight Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car It was right in front of this little bar Kind of a red-neck lookin joint called the Dew Drop Inn I stuffed my hair up under my hat And told the bartender that I had a flat And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one There was one thing I was sure proud to see There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me He just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone I called up the station down the road a ways He said he wasn't very busy today And he could have somone out there in just about 10 minutes or so He said," Now, you just stay right where yer at!" And I didn't bother to tell the darn fool That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go So I ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car With the peace sign, the mag wheels and fur on the floor?" He looked at me and I damn near died And I decided that I'd just wait outside So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin These 3 big dudes come strollin in With one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight In Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night Especially when there was three of them and only one of me I was almost to the door when the biggest one Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son!" And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath They all started laughin and I felt kinda sick And I knew I better think of something pretty quick So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee Now he let out a yell that'd curl yer hair But before he could move I grabbed me a chair And said "Now watch him Folks cause he's a fairly dangerous man!" "You may not know it but this man is a spy. He's a undercover agent for the FBI And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!" He was still bent over holdin on to his knee But everybody else was looking and listening to me And I laid it on thicker hand heavier as I went "He's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags! I betchya he's even got a commie flag Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage." "He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys. He may look dumb but that's just a disguise, He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage" "Would you believe this man has gone as far As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars. And he voted for George McGovern for President." They started lookin real suspicious at him He jumped up and said "Now just wait a minute Jim! You know he's lying I been living here all of my life!" "I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church. And I aint even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!" Then he started saying somethin bout the way I was dressed But I didn't wait around to hear the rest I was too busy moving and hoping I didn't run outta luck When I hit the door I was making tracks And they were just taking my car down off the jacks So I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up Mario Andretti wouldda sure been proud Of the way I was movin when I passed that crowd Coming out the door and headed toward me at a trott Now I guess I should of gone ahead and run But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun Of chasing them all just once around the parking lot I had them all out there steppin and fetchin Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin Then I figgered I had better go ahead and split before the cops got there When I hit the road I was really wheelin Had gravel flyin and rubber squeelin And I didn't slow down till I was almost to Arkansas I think I'm gonna reroute my trip I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped If I went to L.A., via Omaha