Free Will and Testament

Given free will but within certain limitations, I cannot will myself to limitless mutations, I cannot know what I would be if I were not me, I can only guess me. So when I say that I know me, how can I know that? What kind of spider understands arachnophobia? I have my senses and my sense of having senses. Do I guide them? Or they me? The weight of dust exceeds the weight of settled objects. What can it mean, such gravity without a centre? Is there freedom to un-be? Is there freedom from will-to-be? Sheer momentum makes us act this way or that way. We just invent or just assume a motivation. I would disperse, be disconnected. Is this possible? What are soldiers without a foe? Be in the air, but not be air, be in the no air. Be on the loose, neither compacted nor suspended. Neither born nor left to die. Had I been free, I could have chosen not to be me. Demented forces push me madly round a treadmill. Demented forces push me madly round a treadmill. Let me off please, I am so tired. Let me off please, I am so very tired.