Arm's Length

I don't think I have the energy to make it out of my bed today It's not even a bed, I've been sleeping on an air mattress with a hole For almost three months Sometimes when I can't sleep I can feel the space I've put between The only people I'd risk everything for But if they'd whisper at my door I'd probably hide under the sheets I'm in a group chat With 21 god-damn people I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not My phone crashes 37 times a day But it's nice to have friends Sometimes it's nice to be left on read (wait no it's not) I think I'm taking things too personally When did I get so sensitive? I don't think I wanna waste my day Replaying all my past mistakes It's a funny thing Selective memory, flipping through the casualties If you don't cancel on the count of three It won't be looking too hot for me I'm on damage control, got better parts to this whole I just haven't left this room in I don't know how many weeks I work a job where I swear to god they're setting a timer when I take a bathroom break And I'm barely scraping minimum wage and The things they have the audacity to ask of me Better catch up with them eventually Oh, I'm begging please Let it catch them eventually I don't think you wanna challenge me like you tried to yesterday But I can't even pretend, I considered every single word you said From beginning to end And it's a sensitive subject And you can act like you think you're so above it But I've got a foolproof plan and a prescription in hand And you can call it what you want, you'll never be my referee It's my last night in the city that taught me I'm an extrovert And here I am, spending it alone Laying on a carpet floor, staring at a wall Listing off all of the places I would rather be And it's my fault, I did this to myself I crawled into a hole for six months, then came creeping back out Expecting everything to be the same And I dug this pit, and you enabled it So I guess I'll, I'll disappear again 200 miles west this time I'll get a job and make some fake friends and I'll be fine Just like the last time, just like the last time Arm's length, arm's length this time Arm's length, it's safer that way