The Arch-Illager

I was born into a cruel and unforgiving Nasty world that didn't want me They rejected, disrespected, scorned And shunned me, cold and hungry All I wanted was some company to be comfy But to put it bluntly they were being a bunch Of considerably rude neighbours, so I gave up Then I stumbled on a bloody massive cave, look The doorway yawned awake slowly I wasn't brave normally But a strange force was calling me And so with flaming torch in hand I made my way forward, though those serrated Corners on the boulders made it awkward I gazed on in awe following a short reconnaissance I saw what lay before me, it was called the orb of dominance It held sway over my thoughts, I gained confidence 'Til at once the commoners no longer had my tolerance I'm a small illager, the littlest around But now I've got a feeling I'm gonna be well-endowed I'm a small illager, my will it stands proud Growing 'til I fit the throne so hand me the crown Now bow down, show me the top of your head Hey, I said bow down, else I'll be dropping you dead I'm the arch-illager and I will pillage your village Until you give in so run, you can't win If you stand in my path you'll get trampled like grass I see you haven't any heating, I can provide that No need to thank me, here's a torch completely free of charge I'll leave your family tree scorched, slashed with lethal steel shards Oh, I see you're planning a Resistance, if you're going to lead the charge Be advised, objects in your rearview appear large Your mistake was thinking this a safe space for your opinions 'Til my minions chased you straight away from my dominion So make haste, spread my covenant all across the kingdom I'm your new government coming for more than just your income You can try assembling a rebellion of adventurers It's never gonna bother me, my friend, so don't pretend it does I'm the arch-illager, now come on down Down into my dungeon, have a look around I'm the arch-illager living in a cave And having a party while keeping villagers enslaved Now come on down, down, come on quicker Chop chop, come on down, down some hard liquor I am the arch-illager, handle my business Now everybody give a big hand to our visitors Look at you and your gang, you couldn't be more villainous Forcing my hand, you're gonna be all prisoners No forgiveness, I'm sending in my skeletons In regiments defending us against your weapons with a vengeance Repelling your torches, enemy forces Making me nauseous, better be cautious Or you'll be left on the edge of a Tall cliff, awkward, better restore quick Then come down into the dungeon where the smell is rather pungent Can't tell if it's your bunions or you've been cutting some onions I'm the arch-illager, thank you for coming down Now make yourself comfortable, have a look around I'm the arch-illager, catching you unaware If you come in unprepared here's someone you haven't met So glad you came down, down, summoned to my lair There now, what's the matter chuck? You look a little scared I'm the arch-illager and I warned ya That if you didn't give up then I'd have to confiscate your head Yeah I'm not to be messed with mate I may be small, but I'm kind of a big deal So my suggestion, should you wish to heed it And I strongly advise that you do Is to bugger off