Dear Abby

About uh, about three months ago, I was in, uh I was in Rome, Italy I don't know what I was doing there I was just there, uh I got this sandwich one day And they uh, gave me a newspaper with it It was the only newspaper they had there That was in English, and uh They had all the news from all around the world Just crammed into four pages Didn't even have any funnies in there, you know Every time you turned a page something Just jumped right out at you, you know So I found an old friend in there, and I wrote her a song This is for, dear Abby Dear Abby, dear Abby My feet are too long My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all Won't you write me a letter, won't you give me a call? Signed bewildered Bewildered, bewildered You have no complaint You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood Dear Abby, dear Abby My fountain pen leaks My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead Signed unhappy Unhappy, unhappy You have no complaint You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood Dear Abby, dear Abby You won't believe this But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head But my stomach tells me to write you instead Signed noise-maker Noise-maker, noise-maker You have no complaint You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood Dear Abby, dear Abby Well I never thought That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught We were sitting in the backseat just shooting the breeze With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees Signed just married Just married, just married You have no complaint You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood Signed, dear Abby