A Portrait Of

I've been feeling suicidal And if I need remind you It's not the coming of my heart and my brain I was thinking about how great it would be If I could make the tightness in my chest go away It's been a while since I've seen God And I'm not trying to lead him on But he's always trying to fuck me To the tune of my favorite song And they're playing the '59 Sound in heaven While the angels were drinking up whiskey and cokes It's hard to freeze your anxieties When your best friends' torching your coat Your coat Drop that phone drink a glass of water And call me when you get in your bed I've seen inside your head and I'm doing the surgery On the parts that still wish you were dead 'Cause I've lost too many friends So I'll say it again and again and again and again And again and again and again and again I'm not trying to say it's easy But I'm trying to say it's fine I've still got your demons And their not gonna be leaving any time Any time soon Any time soon Any time soon Any time soon I'm not trying to say it's easy But I'm trying to say it's fine Since I was thirteen I've dealt with manic depression And I had a difficult time comprehending the things That I wanted to be and I lived a very happy life And I was turning eighteen And I was doing everything I could To try to make myself feel better But I felt an absence I felt like I needed to die I felt like nothing existed And I felt that I wasn't worthwhile breathing The same air as the ones I loveda nd my family And then it came to the point Where I started losing friends Who had the same fucking ideas as myself But I have to be strong and I have to live my life As a continuation of theirs lost And I have to do everything in my fucking power To be the person that I can be And live my life the best way I fucking can And some days it's so hard to fucking stand And fucking stand And fucking stand And fucking stand