Crazy Eddie's Last Hurrah

(All right, kids, uh, I don't really know what you guys are going to think of this. It's, umm, maybe a bit. OFF THE WALL, uhh? Fictional. So. uh, you may not like it, but you'll find it amusing, at... at least.) Well it sure didn't take too long I woke up one mornin', she was gone And the note that she wrote didn't say "Dear John" It said, "Goodbye, sucker, I'm gone!" She was a home-grown mountain girl Raised in a different world I was a wanna-be rocker, she was more into Merle And I couldn't see it just wouldn't work And now I'm double fisting longnecks And grapefruit and Stoli But I'm never gettin' over Jolie Well I pulled myself in my car I drove it on down to the bar But they wouldn't let me in, 'cause I ain't a movie star So I went to the Horseshoe on Lamar The bouncer threw me out at two And I didn't know what to do So I picked up the phone and I called guess who But the call block wouldn't let me through And now I'm wishin' for some drugs Or a shrink to console me But I'm never gettin' over Jolie Well I gathered up all of my guns And a pipe bomb just for fun And I drove to her house and parked on the lawn She's right, I always was a crazy one Well her boyfriend was sure nice to me He said, Calm down, would you like a drink? And then I shot him full of holes from his nose to his knees And I polished off my little sweet pea And now I'm cryin' on my knees, feelin' dirty and unholy But I'm never gettin' over Jolie Now I'll prob'ly get life and serve at least forty But I'm never gettin' over Jolie