Sinner (feat. Merkules)

I'm a shell of a man that I once was I don't have many friends that I trust much Getting punished for my sins but its unjust Then again all my victims and loved ones Buried guy deserve it had to scurry cuz they're family to the cops Felt like they deserted me and let me hit a rut It's been 14 months I keep prayin' to the courts beams up Are they ever gunna let me see my house I've been so home sick Try to call her but the phone goes click I just wanna say I'm sorry and tell her how much I love her And we were meant to be together We need each other When we were sober shit was betta' Then we recover Cuz when I'm drinkin' Imma killa, and she's a cutta' It's unbelievable it's illegal, now for me to call her So I just crawl up in the bed and ball up in the covers Fallin' like a baby chuggin' vodka by the liter bottle Fucked if I don't sip n ya I own the struggles I don't got no windows in the room I been stuck in I've isolated myself from all my homies When they call me, I'm on insta So they yellin' say I'm fuckin' Shitty husband and a half ass friend I can't say that I blame them Nah I had seen so much as a kid growing up I can't go back and change it If you feel like me, we need to hang in I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner And I don't know how much I can give em Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all But it still don't feel like I'm winnin' I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner And I don't know how much I can give em Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all But it still don't feel like I'm winnin' Yo Lately the people I know have been lookin' at me For some kind of advice They don't know how much I worry that Imma regret all the shit at the end of my life Going insane Keeping the poise Go make the money Give em your voice Never complain You made the choice Never been happy, distill in the void And everybody fakes how they feel so You don't gotta show anybody the real you Now the drugs we contain we conceal that You do anything to make it and it kills you You don't wanna walk a mile in my shoes Y'all would fall 2 steps along this path Cuz what I go through, I don't show you I don't feel like I can, yeah 2 loves 2 halves to the heart But I grip 2 hands at a time I'm the throat of the game so I can't Hold onto the rest of my life When I'm up and it's finally done I don't know but ill have the show Gunna burn everything until everyone that doubted me knows I wish I would known what it be like then I said I give it all just to be like them I'm endin' up with nothin just to have, it, all I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner And I don't know how much I can give em Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all But it still don't feel like I'm winnin' (like I'm winnin') I feel like I'm a sinner by heart I can't see the light so I sit in the dark Yeah this is the way that it's been from the start Cuz no matter what I gotta live with these scars I'm chained up, like I'm rockin' some jewelry All I need is this vodka to suit me Impossible thoughts like the haunted consume me Cannot let these shots from this bottle abuse me No matter what tho, I gotta keep goin' Swear to god man I bleed these poems The seasons change and the leaves keep blowin' Imma keep movin' up, I won't reach my lowest Cuz I know I gotta job to finish So I keep fuckin' the game till the condoms rippin' And I'm lucky to be alive an not locked in prison I'm on a mission, to show em that my heart still in it If you gotta problem with a dawg, y'all can get it I'm killin' everybody now. lets be non-specific They were talkin' shit until I caught em slippin' And they career just crashed like car collisions Shoutout to Ekoh for preachin' the positive Even the thought of the bottle I'm vomittin' Reachin' the top, diggin' deep for some confidence I do it for y'all that I see in the audience I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner And I don't know how much I can give em Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all But it still don't feel like I'm winnin' I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner And I don't know how much I can give em Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all But it still don't feel like I'm winnin'