Monster in Me

Look, to you I'm different, it's cause I refuse to listen To all the stupid shit that you include in your opinion I got enough issues tryna be a human living In a ruined system while I'm running from a crucifixion You'll never get it, I put myself in this position And nothing you could do could ever worsen my condition So while you try to play the villain Understand that I'm the monster in my blood Looking for a way to spill it I can't wait till you see what I make When I paint the walls red with a gun to my brain And I can't wait to see the look on your face When I lay in my own grave, I was never afraid to die Nah, I'm playing I'd never follow through and I'm never gon' do what you want me to I'm staying, my mind's racing You think it's cause of you, but my thoughts are like a room You ain't even in my basement Not a day passes I don't ask myself who am I And I have a habit of imagining my suicide The thoughts I'm having got me battling my stupid mind Why does every situation have to be a do or die? Have to be a foolish lie Something that I use to tell myself That always seems to make me lose my cool inside Makes me think I'm cool with dying But really all I wanna do is spit the truth And watch my dreams and points of view align I think there's something wrong inside my head, I'm getting anxious I've lost all hope I had of staying calm, I cannot stand this So bite your tongue and walk away because I need a minute I feel the blood run through my veins, and there's a monster in it You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster in my blood You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster I become My mind's a prison, confinement living The lights are dimmed, and no one tries to visit Time is ticking to find the missing Keys to the cell I'm in or die within it I wish I had a minute, I would make amends With the demons that are moving in my vacant head Maybe I'd convince 'em we'd be great as friends Maybe then they would listen, it's you we hate instead I could take my meds or I could pray it ends Or make a deal with the devil, maybe pay him rent My only other choice is fill my brain with lead Or keep on living with the voices till the day I'm dead Now you know that I'm the only person that can dig my grave But didn't pay attention 'cause I went and did it yesterday It's got me thinking that there's gotta be a better way I'll start by laying you to sleep and tuck you in the bed I made You'll never get the best of me I'll bury you with all my skeletons That always had a negative effect on me You won't ever get away, I never hesitate I'll close the lid and fill the hole then throw a rose and celebrate I think there's something wrong inside my head, I'm getting anxious I've lost all hope I had of staying calm, I cannot stand this So bite your tongue and walk away because I need a minute I feel the blood run through my veins, and there's a monster in it You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster in my blood You don't wanna see the monster You don't wanna see the monster I become