Father Time

I swear I lead a different life when I close my eyes

Cause In my dreams I have conversations with father time

I Thought of asking what’s it’s like to see the other side

Instead of seeing all the faces that I’d come to leave behind

I tried but couldn’t cry when I noticed we’re out of time

And since, my head’s been in my hands and my spirits’ in a bind

I would lie to spur my wings to try and get them to fly

But they’re burdened weight kept me on the ground every time

I’m growing tired and it feels like I have nothing left

Except my list of the regrets I know can’t accept

I wasn’t perfect, but for every secret that I kept

I would wait for an apology I’d never get

I’m brushing dirt off my psych this life’s a living hell

And all these songs feel just like a trauma show and tell

You can go ahead and tell my loved ones that I failed

I’ve packed my bags and I don’t except them to wish me well, but I’ll find a way myself

The voices are getting loud again

And they have the same arguments

Each one is about the things I know shouldn’t have done

So when you call again

Wait, Will you call again?

Will you call again?

Every night I’d slit my wrists to try get the feeling out of me

Could feel the weighted pressure of everybody that doubted me

As cowardly, I’d wait for it’s embrace while it surrounded me

I’m such a let down that I got fluent in apologies

I watched you turn brittle when she’d come into the room

You had it worse when we were little, but I was little too

Still a fool and still too naive to put two and two

It’s either that or I’m using youth as another excuse

It’s like the truth is at it’s purest for once

If missing you is all I can do then I guess it’s enough

It’s hard to watch some others flourish when we feel like it’s supposed to be us

We tried walking through the mud and got stuck

Our luck was on the other side and never made it through

So through the years I’ve bled pools in the shape of you

I hope you see me in the lenses you’ve been looking through

I let the sky tell you things I never said to you

Hopefully I’ll see you soon

The voices are getting loud again

And they have the same arguments

Each one is about the things I know shouldn’t have done

So when you call again

Wait, Will you call again?

Will you call again?

I spend most of my time, just trying to stay alive

And not because of my environment, it’s cause I’m always trapped in my mind

With no direction I keep driving and ignoring the signs

As if the sign of the times

Say all my fondest years are passing me by

It slips away from me the more that I try

I tried severing ties, and now in suits we say our final goodbyes

That very day is when I noticed that my tears had run dry

But you still saw the pain I harboured through the years in my eyes

Left the mortuary with a heart on fire

And birthdays are now another reminder of exactly how long I’ve been failing

Still free falling from the sky, flailing

It was hailing, I drove off

And locked myself within these four walls, I’m closed off

Almost trusting you instead of me was a close call

Every knife that sunk into my back was all my fault

Poured salt on those wounds cause no one prays for me too

Even God knows that one day I’ll reap what I sow

All because of my tainted soul

How come I don’t see what others see me?

How come I don’t see the trauma that I’m bringing with me here?