Defusing a Bomb - Bob Newhart: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

Defusing a Bomb

207

Comedy

Defusing a Bomb was released on January 1, 1962 by Rhino/Warner Records as a part of the album The Button-Down Mind On TV

Song Details

AlbumThe Button-Down Mind On TV

Release DateJanuary 1, 1962

LabelRhino/Warner Records

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS

Bob Newhart

Performer

COMPOSITION & LYRICS

Hargrove

Songwriter

Bob Newhart

Songwriter

Hinkley

Songwriter

Kaufman

Songwriter

Rosen

Songwriter

Sharp

Songwriter

Synder

Songwriter

Lyrics

It was kind of a coincidence this past week

There was a movie on bomb disposals in Germany

And then there was an item in the paper about this plane flying along

And somehow a bomb came loose and fell

It didn't explode — it landed

And they had to send out an expert team to disarm the bomb

And it's always an expert, courageous team of men who disarm these bombs

And I got to wondering what would happen if a team of non-experts

Ever tried to disarm one of these bombs

I picture a small coastal city — very small, with a beach

And we see the police chief

He's sitting in his office

Expecting nothing more than a phone call from one of his patrolmen on the beach

And I think it would go something like this

Hello? Lieutenant Stevenson here

Patrolman Hackmaster. Oh, hello, Willie

You're a little late reporting, aren't you, Willie?

You found a shell on the beach?

You think that's unusual, do you, Willie — finding a shell on a beach?

It's not that kind of shell?

What's the matter, Willie?

Doesn't it sound like the ocean when you hold it up to your ear?

Oh, that kind of shell

Well, I'll tell you what — I'll send somebody out in the morning

See, I was kind of hoping that was your watch making that noise, Willie

I'm going to give it to you straight, Willie

You got a live one there

Willie, don't hang up!

That's an order, Willie!

And stop that whining

You're perfectly safe, Willie— there's nothing to worry about as long as it's ticking

When it stops ticking... that's something else again, Willie

Now listen, Willie — get control of yourself

You and I are going to disarm that thing

I've got the instruction manual

Well, no, I'm not coming down there, Willie

I can't just leave the office anytime I want to, Willie

No — don't bring it in here, Willie! No!

Now look, Willie, I'm taking just as big a chance as you are

This is my responsibility

If that thing goes off, it's me they're going to want to talk to — not you

All right now, Willie, describe it to me

It sounds like some kind of torpedo, Willie

It must be one of ours

Are there any markings on it?

It says Made in Japan, huh?

Well, it still could be one of ours, Willie

Is there a serial number or anything like that on it?

(X5307) Let me look that up — just a minute

Oh boy, you found a beauty there, Willie

You know how powerful that baby is?

Six city blast, Willie

What do you mean you'll call me back?

There's a telephone booth seven blocks away?

Willie!

Now stop that whining, Willie

Willie, I know this is dangerous

But if we can save one human life

That's the way you feel about it, huh?

Willie, get control of yourself now

Listen, Willie according to this, there's a

How long has that thing been ticking?

About five, six minutes, huh?

Nothing, Willie, nothing!

We're just going to have to work a little faster than I thought

Now, according to the manual here

About six inches from the tail end, there's a plate

Yeah, it's held on by four screws

Now it says and this is very important

This plate should be removed with an LT-507 screwdriver

With a plastic handle and a demagnetized head

You don't have one, huh?

Use a coin then, Willie

Okay, you got it off, Willie

Boy, that thing sure is complicated in there, isn't it?

I can't make heads or tails out of this

No, don't worry, Willie

I'll get that thing fixed if it's the last

We'll take care of it. Don't worry about it

Listen, Willie there's kind of a little

Oh, hooch-a-ma-jigger in there, a wheel of some kind

Why don't you try turning the wheel, Willie?

Oh, I don't know — turn it to the left, see what happens

Yeah, I can hear it now, Willie

It's ticking a lot faster, isn't it?

You better turn it back, Willie

Okay, let's see

Listen, there are two wires here

It says here, under no conditions

(Somebody spilled coffee all over this thing.)

One is kind of a grayish blue

And the other one's kind of a bluish gray, Willie

Willie, who are you talking to there?

A little boy?

Willie, get him out of there!

If that thing goes off, we're—

He says it's his?

It's a toy torpedo?

Willie, let me talk to the kid, will you?

He ran down to the beach with it?

Willie, I think you better come into the office

We ought to have a little talk

You hung me up here for ten minutes because the kid

What was that noise, Willie

The toy torpedo just sunk a fishing trawler, huh?

Well, it's all right, Willie

It's out of our hands now

It's in the Coast Guard's

Goodbye

Written by: Bob Newhart, Hargrove, Hinkley, Kaufman, Rosen, Sharp, Synder

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