That's Why You Love Me

I never open up your door I never shower you with praise When you call or text my phone I don't reply to you for days I can't hold down a job I failed my G.E.D. I'm angry then indifferent And babe, oooh babe That's why you love me That's why you love me I take you out to awesome meals But can't afford to pay the checks I will pledge eternal love Then leave your place right after sex I always say I'm booked In truth, I'm usually free I canceled on your birthday And babe, oooh babe That's why you love me That's why you love me That's why you love me You love how I keep you guessing If I'm interested or not And how I tell your mother That she is super-frickin' hot! How I cover up my lies By sayin' I'm hangin' with the guys No one'll treat you half as nice I only cheated on you twice... You've got no choice You know you're hooked You're hooked! You gave it up on our first date Oh yeah! After I told you you looked fine But had to lose a little weight Only ten pounds! I'm bound to disappoint I'm sure that you'd agree I'm snotty and neglectful I'm nasty and self-serving I've got a giant penis! And babe, oooh, babe That's why you love me Yeah yeah yeah! That's why you love me Oh yeah! That's why you love me That's why you love me!