Uneasy Rider '88

Me and my buddy got us a wild hair And figured we wanted to go somewhere So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet We had a lil' bit of money and a whole lot of show And with Hank Jr. blarin' on the radio We got a tank full of gas and we was on our way We figured we'd go down to New Orleans We were barrelling old 17 When a man with a red blinking light was on our tail He said you were doing 60 in a 45 But I'm gonna let you go this time But if I catch you again I'm gonna slap you up in the county jail We said thank you sir you sure been nice And you aint gonna have to tell us twice And we southbound down with the wind blowin in our faces We kept on rollin and pretty soon The radio was cookin' out a Haggard tune And we were pullin' into Houston Checkin out all them places I was feelin dry and I said I think We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink And ol' Jim said yeah 'Cause we got time to kill We kept on rollin' and I seen this spot We pulled into the parking lot Of this place called the Cloud 9 Bar and Grill We walked through the door and the place was jammed The lights were low they had a punk rock band And some orange-haired feller singin 'bout suicide I said Jim this ain't our kinda place He said well let's just have one round anyway So against my better judgement we walked on inside Went up to the bar and we sat down This feller walked up and said I'll buy this round And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy Had lipstick on and mascera in his eye And everybody in that place looked just about like him I said Jim this ain't our kind of bar Let's just go out and back in get back in the car 'Cause there's gonna be trouble Ain't no sense in takin a chance We was gettin up gettin ready to leave And somebody grabbed ol' Jim by the sleeve It was this good lookin girl she was askin' my buddy to dance I said Jim don't do it there's somethin' missin' There's fellers dancin' and fellars kissin' There's a feller in high heeled shoes wearin' panty hose He said pardner I just cant turn this down You just go over there and have one more round And I'll go dance with a lady And we'll get on down the road So he walked away and left me alone And this funny lookin feller kept comin' on And he was makin me mad With some of the things he was said And then he put his hand on my knee I said if you dont get your paw off me I'm gonna locate your nose around On the side of your head He said I love it when you get that fire in your eye I said well pardner try this on for size And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light Everybody in that place must've been his friend They all headed for me I said this is the end But where I come from we don't give up without a fight They were screamin' and yellin' and scratchin' and clawin' I was punchin" and hittin and kickin' and pawin' I was holdin' my own 'cause I been in a scrap or two Ol' Jim come runnin' up out of the blue And that gal he was with come runnin' up too And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe I grabbed her by the hair it come off in my hand And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man And ol' Jim just got sick right there on the floor He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun Smeared his lipstick made his makeup run And me and ol' Jim started fightin' our way to the door We lit out of there in that Chevrolet I put 'er the floor and she stayed that way We was goin' down the highway doin' about a hundred and ten We was headed for home and we was gettin' nearer Then a red light come on the rear view mirror And that same blamed cop was pullin' us over again Now I'm sittin' here in this county jail Had to call my daddy to go our bail But I learned me a lesson I never will forget again I done give up drinkin' I've give up bars And runnin around the country in souped up cars I'm goin back where the women are women And the men are men