Better Myself

I can't get ahead of myself (myself) I should try and better myself (myself) But I'm drowning in the deep end And it feels like no one sees it Someone, please give me a reason I should stay I can't get ahead of myself (myself) I should try and better myself (myself) But I'm drowning in the deep end And it feels like no one sees it Someone, please give me a reason I should stay Yeah, I got a plan to make a lot of changes But it's harder to breathe when your heart is racin' I've been caught up in constant contemplation That shit's not a phase, it's too complicated Can't concentrate when the cuts get deeper If I were you, I wouldn't love me either My problem is I'm too fuckin' eager I got a taste of revenge and there's nothing sweeter So I'm numbin' the pain with another substance Till I lose balance and my blood is rusted Just another fuck up piss drunk in public They don't trust me at all, like I'm up to somethin' Like, why can't they ever hear me screamin' The preacher told me I might need Jesus Trapped in my head till I find some freedom It feels like I'm some sort of evil genius Please don't talk to me 'cause I don't want to be bothered And I can't fall asleep, I'm busy fighting these monsters Why's it so hard to breathe, somebody call me a doctor I think I'm goin' fuckin' bonkers, yeah I can't get ahead of myself (myself) I should try and better myself (myself) But I'm drowning in the deep end And it feels like no one sees it Someone, please give me a reason I should stay I can't get ahead of myself (myself) I should try and better myself (myself) But I'm drowning in the deep end And it feels like no one sees it Someone, please give me a reason I should stay Think I'm addicted to bad news Everyone I love ends up bein' stab wounds Maybe they did what they had to I'm better off alone or give me liquor and tattoos I feel like nothin' takes the stress away (stress away) This bible's promise send me better days (better days) I give in my chest and I get led astray So fuck these promises I said I'd never break I pray for peace, yet I prepare for war I'm 24, but these tears could fill a reservoir You bitches think you know me, you don't Throw a hundred million stones trying to break me, you won't (break me, you won't) I can't get ahead of myself (myself) I should try and better myself (myself) But I'm drowning in the deep end And it feels like no one sees it Someone, please give me a reason I should stay Look, I thought I quit doin' dope for good Been smokin' cones of wood 'cause I I'm really wishin' I was drunk I've become accustomed to the sober life Overnight, took a year and nine months Like it don't mean shit Every time the phone ring, get told to shut the fuck up And cussed by the one I love but she don't want no contact The sheriff gonna come and lock me up for just that Just asked my doctor for Klonopin He's always on a mission tryna get me took off pills He don't wanna write a script and get in trouble When it's obvious there's something that I'm hooked on still I told him "Look Doc, look I'm chill Drunk a half a bottle earlier and I don't even look off keel" I just stood on still so much Xanax in my Body like I'm runnin' on a football field I just wanna better myself Mama said I know you got your life temporarily taken away But livin' here is better than jail Then the minute she said it, I felt like killin' myself I don't look in no mirror, I don't step on no scale I'm so god-damn fat, god-damn Johnny Ain't no god-damn money Every god-damn body, what you found that funny Your heaven's my hell I can't get ahead of myself (myself) I should try and better myself (myself) But I'm drowning in the deep end And it feels like no one sees it Someone, please give me a reason I should stay I can't get ahead of myself (myself) I should try and better myself (myself) But I'm drowning in the deep end And it feels like no one sees it Someone, please give me a reason I should stay