The Grass Is Always Greener

What can I tell you? You're Tess Harding, for God's sakes! I've never done anything really important with my life the way you have I'll bet your friends are all celebrities That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You can make a pot roast That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First you brown an onion Is your picture up at Sardi's? That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You can clean an oven That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First you get the E-Z off! Ah, the grass is always greener On somebody else's estate Ah, the meat is always leaner On somebody else's dinner plate But you can sew a button on That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? Bet you've been to discos That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First you take a Valium I can see you planning picnics That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? Eating at the White House That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First they pass the jelly beans Ah, the grass is always greener On somebody else's front lawn Ah, somebody else's wiener Always has a lot more relish on You saved the whales in Newfoundland That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You can run a household That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First you have a breakdown You're always in the magazines That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You can hold a husband That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? There's more to life than husbands I could use a husband You can have my husband I've already had your husband! Ah, it makes you kind of teary Ah, think about it, dearie The grass is always greener In someone else's yard It's hard! I'll bet you always ride in limousines That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You have time for luncheons That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First you sell the tupperware The public wants your autograph That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You raised a teenaged daughter That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First you find her diaphragm Ah, the grass is always greener Where some other tenant pays rent Ah, the teeth are always cleaner In somebody else's polident Do you know who your neighbors are? That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You know Rona Barrett That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? First you keep your mouth shut I bet you squeeze the Charmin That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? You can make a headline That's wonderful! What's so wonderful? I'd rather have a pot roast So go and brown an onion And have some peace and quiet You've already had my husband! Ah, everyone's a victim Of this ducky little dictum The grass is always greener In someone else's yard It's hard!