I Don't Want To Be Here

I don't want to be here right now I don't want to be here right now I don't want to be here right now Yeah I said that the thoughts would get better with time Said that I would try to change and I meant it but I Got this cloud that follows me, even when it's good I can feel it waiting for me, creeping overhead looking out But I don't want to wake you I know I should probably take one, but I take two I've been on the verge of a break or a breakthrough I don't hear a thing lately I can relate to And it makes you sick when you hear it There's something in my spirit Broken, I don't want to talk about it, too embarrassed It's been a couple years that I've been dealing with the same Trauma mixed with music and addiction, with the the shame And it's toxic Not what you thought when you met me But then I lost it Sometimes the thoughts will get messy But now they're constant I know it's all getting heavy and if I drop this I don't think that I'll come back I never thought all of this thinking would develop a habit You expect the worst eventually it's all gonna happen We're supposed to be companions not collateral damage But know it's hard to give a heart when you've been scarred And can't imagine life different That's when I tell you that you'd be better off With someone better off Not stuck in his bed with his thoughts Sometimes it's too much to deal with Say you wanna know how I'm feeling But if we're real now I don't want to be here right now I don't want to be here right now All that I'm feeling Too much to deal with And I don't want to be here right now I write out these paragraphs to people and then I delete em Try to tell em that I'm lonely And that I need em But you don't know what it does to me And how bad that it sucks to be alone When you don't respond after you read em I broke down and cried in front of those I care about They never text or care to check on my whereabouts There's no more voices in my head because I scared em out We all got problems, I'm just willing to air em out It's in my blood, but by the time hit the base it's Feeling numb, the only way I can face shit What I need is someone to come and save me When I drown, when I drown I don't really wanna be here, I just wanna go I just wanna be at home after a hundred shows I just wanna be alone, so no, no not right now, not right now And I'm tired of all the shit that I'm faced with Needed help, the devil said I could take this Put this shit up on my tongue and I could taste it It's lights out, it's lights out I don't want to be here right now I don't want to be here right now And all that I'm feeling Too much to deal with And I don't want to be here right now