I Wrote the Book

To name me woman of the year Wasn't what you'd call a fluke I understand I won it in a breeze So the ladies should be thrilled Their expectations are fulfilled As I'm broadening my field of expertise I wrote the book on how to be cool I wrote the book on how to be strong I wrote the book on how to interpret the news And never be wrong I wrote the book on how to be tough I wrote the book on how to be terse I wrote the book on every subtextual phrase In Elliot's verse I wrote the book on how to have class I wrote the book on how to have clout I wrote the book on reading government pamphlets and doping them out So when it comes to losing a man You'll find it unsurprisingly true That last week I wrote that book, too I wrote the book on how to be brisk I wrote the book on how to be bright I wrote the book on seeing New Delhi by day And Cairo by night I wrote the book on how to be chic I wrote the book on how to be smart I wrote the book on how to evaluate trends In fashion and art I wrote the book on how to have style I wrote the book on wisdom and wit I wrote the book on every great English statesman From Cromwell to Pitt So when it comes to losing a man You'll find it unsurprisingly true That last week I wrote that book, too So when it comes to losing a man It should be unsurprising to you To note that I wrote that book, too